Wazz-who?
Here's the spot where you'll find all of the latest and greatest Wazzu jokes and comments. If you want to submit your own, to be published here, just e-mail them to us. If you want to be credited for your joke, make sure your name is included in the text of your message.
You heard of the Cougar who broke his leg raking leaves?
--Trent Tvrdy, Seattle
Q: Why did the wazzu grad cover her ears?
--Erin Waltner, Seattle
Did you hear about the student who transferred from Washington to Washington State and raised the IQ of both Universities?
-- John Porter, UW class of 64
Q: What do you call a 250 pound Cougar cheerleader?
Q: What does a Cougar grad call a Husky grad?
--Richard Ross, Seattle
Helpful life long skills checklist presented to each graduating senior
at the WSU Commencement Ceremony
1. If you're bidding on a job for UPS, don't send your bid by FedEx.
-- Skip Records, Seattle.
A WSU student walked into a bar in Seattle and ordered two beers. After
he paid for the beers he drank one and poured the other one all over his
right hand. The bartender was curious to what he was doing so he asked
him, and the WSU student replied "I'm trying to get my date drunk."
-- Nate Dogg and T-Roll, Moses Lake, Washington.
A ventriloquist from Seattle walked into a bar just off the Washington
State University campus and asked the manager if he could do a little
performance. The manager thought no harm could be done and agreed.
A Husky fan, a Coug fan, and a Ducks fan were driving to the Rose Bowl
together when their car broke down. They walked down the road to a
farmhouse and inquired if they could spend the night.
During an off-day in the Cougs practice preparation for the Rose
Bowl, one of their
quarterbacks thought he would take advantage of the break in southern
California and visit one of America's biggest theme parks.
Did you hear about the Coug that went to the library and checked
out a book called "How to Hug?" Got back to the dorm and found out it
was volume seven of the encyclopedia.
A man died and was sent to Hell. As he was being led down the
path, he noticed a Coug he had known back in the land of the living.
The Coug had one of the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen
draped all over him.
--Al Nelson, Westminster, Colorado.
Seems that a Coug was driving West from Pullman at the same time a Husky was driving East from Seattle and they happened to meet head-on in a horrible crash on top of Snoqualmie Pass. Miraculously, both climbed out of the steaming wreckage...their bodies intact. They examined the twisted metal and realized that they were truly lucky to be alive. The Coug said, "This must be a sign from God that we should end the bitter rivalry that we have had since the beginning of time." The Husky agreed...he went to his trunk and pulled out an unbroken bottle of whiskey. "This is truly remarkable," he said, "God must want us to toast our new-found friendship." He twisted the cap off and handed the bottle to the Coug, who took several big swigs, wiped his chin and handed the bottle back. The Husky replaced the cap, and without a word, put the bottle back into his trunk. "Aren't you going to celebrate our luck?" asked the Coug. Nah, I thing I'll just wait for the troopers to get here.
--Al Larson, Seattle.
A pretty blonde woman from the U of W is driving down a country road
near
Pullman in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and
it
breaks down. Luckily, shehappens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to
the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she
says to him, "Oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't
know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when
I can get some help?
-- Reggie Nelson, Seattle.
Two men, one Couger and one Husky, are using a public restroom. When the
Couger notices that the Husky didn't wash his hands afterward, he says
"Hey, at WSU they teach us to wash our hands after using the restroom."
"Oh really," the Husky replies. "Well at UW we're smart enough to know
not to pee on our hands."
-- Erin McCarty, Bellevue.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Mormon and a Couger?
One day at the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter was greeting new comers. The
first man was a brilliant engineer, so he and St. Peter talked about the
great structures and buildings of the world. Next was a mathmatician from
Harvard, so they talked about the most complex mathmatical problems in the
history of civilization. The third guy had an IQ of 78 and a six pack in
his right hand and St. Peter says, "How 'bout them Cougs!"
-- Karen Sifferman, Seattle.
Q: How do cougar brain cells die?
Q: Did you hear about the cougar who won an Olympic gold medal?
Q: Why did the cougar carry the car door with him when he walked through
the desert?
-- Phillip Swayze, Outlook, Washington.
Q: What are the eight words guaranteed to break a WSU cheerleader's heart?
--Eric Brockett, Seattle.
So....A guy walks into the store and the clerk asks if he can help him.
--Dan Hickman, Seattle.
WASHINGTON STATE ENTRANCE EXAM - FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION
--Rob Donaldson, Campbell River BC Canada
Q. What's crimson & gray and goes 100 mph?
What are the three biggest lies in Pullman?
-- Patrick Jenny, Seattle
Rumor has it that Mike Price has dreamed up a sure fire way not to lose
next year's Apple Cup. If the Cougs win the coin toss prior to the
opening kick off he's instructed his players to elect not to play.
Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Pullman?
--Steve Flude, Ritzville.
3 students from Wazzu were in the park and they saw some tracks on the
ground. They were guessing what they were from. One guy said that they
were bear tracks, another guy said that they were racoon tracks, and the
last guy said that they were oppossum tracks. Then a train came and
they were all hit.
--Marcia Renda.
The coug was driving in his pickup down the farm road one hot dusty day
with the window rolled down and his arm resting on the windowsill. He
turned his head to the left,sniffed the air and said, "ooohweee, when
ARE they going to invent Left Guard?"
Q: How do you make a WSU graduate leave your house?
--Dave in Bellingham.
How Do you hurt a cougar while he is drinking?
--Wes Dickinson, Moses Lake, Washington.
What do you have, when you have 20 Cougs in one room?
--Carl Munson, '94
Bubba, the Cougar linebacker and his new wife Darlene were driving to
their honeymoon in Moscow. Bubba reached over and placed his hand on
Darlene's knee. Darlene said "Bubba, you can go further if you'd like!" So Bubba drove to Boise.
R Tucker, Wenatchee.
Q: What's black and blue and goes tha-dump, tha-dump, tha-dump?
Q: What's 6-13-6?
Q: Did you hear about the Cougar waterpolo team?
Q: Why don't they raise chickens in Pulman?
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead Cougar on the highway?
Q: What do you call a Cougar football player with an IQ of 20?
Q: What do you call a good looking girl in Pulman?
Q: Why don't they have ice in the bars in Pulman?
Q: Why did the Pulman police department take the 9-1-1 off of their cars?
Q: What's crimson & gray, six miles long and has an IQ of 41?
Q: What's the longest ten years of a Cougar football players life?
Q: How do you confuse a Cougar student farmer?
Q: Why do Cougar football players have such small steering wheels in their cars?
Q: Where do Cougar cheerleaders go in the morning?
--Jon Dalberg, Seattle, Washington
In America they say, "It's 10:00. Do you know where your children?"
In France they say, "It's 10:00. Do you know where your wife is?"
In Italy they say, "It's 10:00. Do you know where your car is?"
In Pullman they say, "It's 10:00. Do you know what time it is?"
--Dan Hickman, Douglas, Wyoming
What is Washington State's idea of Fantasy Football? Winning a game in
November and attending a bowl game that is actually worth attending.
--Steve Jantz, Davenport, WA
Classes to take at Washington St.
If two Wazzu grads get a divorce, are they still considered brother & sister?
--Jim Ito, class of 85.
What's the difference between the Cougars and Cheerios?
--John and Leigha Reeves, Kent, Washington.
Q: How is a cougar like a possum?
Q: How many cougers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Q: What is the difference between a cougar and a computer?
--Kevin Feeney, Class of 78, West Hills, California.
You know you're in Pullman when...
If you have ever won a moose "mate-calling" contest using an oriface other than your mouth...
Submitted by Chuck Morgan, Kennewick, Washington.
Q: What's the difference between a Cougar cheerleader and an elephant?
Q: Know how to make it even?
Q: What's the difference between a Cougar cheerleader and the garbage?
Q: What's the different between a quarter at the bottom of a toilet and a Cougar cheerleader at the bottom of the toilet?
--Submitted by Jeff McCauley, Seattle, Washington.
Q: How do you find Wazzu?
Q. What does a COUG yell when they discover a rat in the kitchen?
Q. What do people do when a Coug exposes himself?
-- Emery Hill, Seattle, Washington.
A blind guy walks by the fish market, pauses and says," AH Cougar
cheerleaders I didn't think the game was until next week.
What do you get when you cross a Cougar and a big dumb Jackass?
Answer: A bigger,dumber, slower big dumb jackass.
--Cristen, Seattle, Washington.
Q: Why do WSU women wear bibs?
Q: Why do WSU graduates put their diploma on the car dashboard?
Q: How many Cougars does it take to get to a bowl game?
Q: Why did WSU decide to put astroturf in Martin Stadium?
Katie Frigon - Redmond
A few years back, there was a popular defensive lineman that played for
washington state. When it came to be towards the end of his senior year,
the guy (named Butch) found out that he didn't have enough credits to
graduate. He went into to the administration building at Wazzu and
pleaded with the dean to let him graduate, but to no avail. He had to
have the same amount of credits as his fellow students if he wanted a
degree of any sort.
Q: What do you get when you breed a WSU Cougar and a groundhog?
Submitted by Glenn A. Burden, Gig Harbor, Washington.
Sign seen near Husky Stadium during the last Apple Cup...
Sign seen when crossing into Washington from Oregon: Warning. Sales Tax ahead.
-- "Almost Live."
Why do the Wazzu chearleaders hate coming to Husky Stadium?
Why do Washington State uniforms have the school's name printed on them?
"I've always felt that being a Cougar prepares you for life. You learn not to expect too much."
Q: What's a Cougar's idea of foreplay?
Q: What did the Cougar grad say to the UW grad?
Q: What does a WSU woman tell her lover when she's done with sex?
And here we go...
He fell out of a tree....
A: She was trying to hold in a thought!
A: Anorexic.
A: Boss.
2. If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be
resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
3. If you want your refrigerator's ice maker to work, you need to hook it
to a water source. Air doesn't make good ice unless it is mixed with
water.
4. No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get
heavier.
5. A bad place to store your emergency backup diskette is on the underside
of your desk drawer, secured by a large magnet.
6. It's okay to use the Polaroid Land Camera on a boat.
7. When the PC says, "Insert diskette #2," don't do it immediately.
Remove
disk #1 first, even if you're sure you can make them both fit in there.
8. When your PC says "You have mail," don't go to the company mail room
and
look for a package.
9. The French version of Netscape Navigator doesn't translate English
language web pages into French.
10. If you're in the armed services, and it's April 1st, and you get an
E-Mail message to call Colonel Sanders for new orders, don't.
11. If you go to the computer store to buy a mouse pad, you don't have to
specify whether it's for a Windows or a Macintosh.
The ventriloquist grabbed a stool, sat down and began telling jokes
about the WSU football team. Suddenly, a huge man wearing a Cougar
T-shirt walked over and said, "Listen buddy, I don't know who you think
you are, telling all these jokes about our football team. I for one will
not put up with it!"
The ventriloquist quickly appologized and said he would leave. The large
man exclaimed "I'm not talking to you! I'm talking to that little man
sitting on your lap!"
--Todd Boyer, Seattle.
The farmer said, "sure, but one of you will have to sleep in the barn
as there is not enough room in the house."
The Husky fan said, "I'll do it."
A little while later there was a knock on the door, it was the Husky
fan. He said, "I'm allergic to chickens and there are chickens in the
barn." So the Ducks fan left to stay in the barn.
A little while later there was again a knock on the door, it was the
Ducks fan. He said, "I'm allergic to pigs and there are pigs in the
barn." So the Cougs fan left to stay in the barn.
A little while later there was again a knock on the door, it was the
chickens and the pigs!
As he neared the park in his rental car, he noticed a big sign
ahead on the highway.
"DISNEYLAND LEFT," it read.
With that, he sighed, turned around and headed back to the hotel.
The man began to complain to the devil about all the bad things he
heard were going to happen to him, and questioned why the Coug had
such an attractive woman.
To this the devil responded, "How dare you question the way things
are? How dare you question that woman's punishment."
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want
you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke, they are studying for their
finals
over at WSU. She looks through the screen door and sees two young men
standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early
twenties.
"Okay," she says.
After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to think
about the two Cougs in the room next to her. They are not too bright
it
seems, but they are so handsome. So she quietly goes into their room
and
says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the
world?"
They say, "Huh?"
She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you
have to wear these rubbers." She puts them on the boys, and the
three of them go at it all night long.
Four years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch,rocking
back and forth. Thinking about their day off from the new McDonald's in
Colfax.
Jed says, "Luke?"
Luke says, "Yeah, Jed?"
Jed says, "You remember that blond woman that came by here about
four years ago and showed us the ways of the world?"
"Yeah," says Luke, "I remember."
"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed.
"Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not."
"Me, neither," says Jed, "Let's take these things off."
A: A basement full of stolen groceries...
A: Alone
A: He had it bronzed.
A: So he could roll down the window when he got too hot.
A: "Sorry honey, we just ran out of bacon".
"Sure can," the guy replies. "I want a bright, scarlet red sweatshirt, a
pair of gray pants, gray socks, a red Cowboy hat and a pair of
scarlet-colored cowboy boots."
"Oh, I take it you're a Cougar fan," the clerk say with a grin.
"How can you tell?" the guy answers. "It's 'cause I'm a askin' fer all
scarlet and gray stuff, right?"
"No," the clerk answers. "It's because this is a hardware store."
Time Limit: 3 WEEKS
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with
particular
reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions.
-OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army
(d) write a play
4. What religion is the Pope?(check only ONE)
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic
5. Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little
hand
is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
(d) Canadians
9. Spell President Clinton's last name.
10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being
George the Sixth. Name the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy's
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for WHAT
country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR-
spell
your name in BIG BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
(a) New York
(b) Florida
(c) Canada
(d) Wisconsin
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you
have?
19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?
20. The Washington State tradition for efficiency began when
(approximately)?
(a) B.C.
(b) A.D.
(c) still waiting
A. A cougar in a blender.
1) That combine over there, its paid for.
2) This belt buckle, I won it in a rodeo.
3) I was just helping that sheep over the fence.
A: God couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
--Howard Wells.
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Slam the toilet seat on him!
A full set of teeth.
A: A Cougar in a dryer.
A: The IQ of the Cougar defensive line.
A: They had to cancel their season after the horses all drowned in the first game.
A: They plant the eggs too deep.
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
A: Gifted.
A: A Tourist.
A: They lost the recipe.
A: Cougar football players kept stealing them because they thought they were Porsches.
A: The WSU student body.
A: His freshman year.
A: Give him two shovels and tell him to take his pick.
A: So they can drive with handcuffs on.
A: Home.
10. Subtraction 99 (addition's really tricky)
9. Synchronized underwater basket weaving 101
8. Cow Milking 101
7. American Lit. 444: Critical anaysis from Dr. Seuss to Curious George
6. TV 100: What Happened to "Hee Haw"
5. Keg Tapping 1091: Traditional tapping techniques and styles
4. Pysch 201: Intro to animal Sexuality
3. Disability 1210-(If you're enrolled in this class, your IQ is below 20)
2. Careers 101: How to prepare yourself for fast-food restaurants
1. Power Tools 01: How to operate a hammer
Things to do in Pullman (WSU campus)
10. Do your wash on the front porch
9. Get a beer and then get a beer
8. Go to THE grocery store
7. Put gas in your combine
6. Naked Sheep Twister
5. Cow tipping
4. Do it in a bag and light it on fire on your neighbors porch (don't forget to knock)
3. Major in hotel Management
2. Try to get a date with benched QB Chad Davis
1. Play Cougopoly-limited real estate prospects, but plenty of free parking spaces
Favorite Clothes to Wear
10.Overalls
9. Jean jacket with wooly inside
8. Long underwear
7. A straw hat
6. Chew-stained tank tops
5. Genuine pigskin belts
4. Grandmother's 1881 jeans
3. Mom's woven blanket
2. Tight-ass acid-wash jeans
1. Nothing
Best Movies in Pullman
10. John Wayne bobbit Uncut
9. The Beverly Hillbillies
8. Dumb and Dumber
7. Forrest Gump
6. Hee Haw-the Movie
5. Children of the Corn series
4. Deliverance
3. Nell
2. Stone Cold
1. Babe-the X-rated version
What's the real reason WSU QB Chad Davis got benched? ...He couldn't pound
a six pack in two minutes or less
How do you keep a Cougar out of your front yard? ...Put up some goalposts
Did you hear OJ wanted to attend WSU? ...he wanted to go where everybody's DNA was the same.
Why can't you hold a Nativity scene in Pullman? ...they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin
How many WSU grads does it take to screw in a light bulb? ...Just the both of them, but it takes them 6 months and they get 6 credits for it.
What is a Cougar joke?
...a redundancy
What's the last sign of intelligent life in Pullman? ...Seattle, 371 miles
Why do Cougars put their diplomas on the dashboard? ...so they can park in the handicapped spots.
--D. Nov, Seattle, Washington.
Cheerios make it into the Bowl.
A: Both play dead at home and usually die on the road.
A: Just one, but 20 get credit for it.
A: You have to punch information into both, but with a computer, you only have to do it once.
the mortuary has a neon sign in the window and the hearse has a trailer hitch.
then you must be a Cougar.
A: About 10 pounds.
A: Force feed the elephant.
A: The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
A: The quarter is worth reaching in for.
A: Head East until you smell it, then South until you step in it.
-- John Calahan, Seattle, Washington.
A. Dinner's ready!
A. Squint!
A: To keep the chew off their dresses.
A: So they can park in the handicap spots.
A: Yeah, right.
A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing
Well, it came to be that time of year, and Butch decided he would
show up at his graduation ceremony anyway, regardless of whether he was
getting a diploma or not. As each student was called up to receive their
degree, a chant began growing through the crowd. It grew and grew until
it became a stomping and roaring yell of "Let Butch graduate!! Let Butch
graduate!!" They came to the end of the students and the dean, fearing a
riot if he didn't comply, called Butch up to the podium as the crowd
erupted in cheers.
"Butch," he said into the mic, "I'll let you graduate if you can
answer me this ONE question. What is four plus two?"
Now Butch stepped back and contemplated for a long period of
time. You could practically see those rusty wheels turning as he thought
about the possibilities. After a considerable pause, he stepped up to
the mic and said, "Uhhh, six?"
A hush fell over the crowd, until the next chant began. "Give him
another guess!!! Give him another guess!!"
Katie Frigon - Redmond
A: Six more weeks of bad football.
WSU Parking:
Tractors please park on the left. Combines please park on the right.
Sign seen when crossing into Washington from Canada: Cheap beer and smokes ahead, eh?
Sign seen when crossing into Washington from Idaho: Keep driving. It gets better.
They can't graze on the artificial turf.
To make sure none of their players try to defect as the game wears on.
--UW Coach Don James
A: "Hey, sis, roll over!"
Submitted by Robert Gutierrez, Seattle, Washington.
A: "Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order?"
Submitted by Robert Gutierrez, Seattle, Washington.
A: "Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
Submitted by Robert Gutierrez, Seattle, Washington.
Get Sponsored